Music Teacher Lyssette Hawthorne lost her son to suicide earlier this year and wants parents to watch out for the obvious and not so obvious cries for help.
“I am a teacher and the mother of the young teen [Ruddy R], who hung himself on January 8, 2016. He was 15 years old, handsome, intelligent and talented. He was my first-born and although various interventions were put in place to prevent this outcome, he hung himself in a guinep tree,” Ms. Hawthorne told Loop News.
(Hawthorne — who appears to still be in deep mourning — asked that Loop News use the alias Ruddy R for her son in this story although she gave permission for his image to be used.)
He was a grade 10 student at a prominent high school, was exposed to the usual high school ups and downs.
“However, when I realized how deep in depression he was, I began to listen to what he had to say. One day, he firmly told me that there was no hope for him and so when he is gone, I am to remember what he went through upon entering high school and help others like him who are ‘stronger’ to make it through school. My son pointed out to me the stages that he went through until the point of his death:
“Stage one: Telling the story of a boy being teased to insanity by both classmates and several teachers. Speaking about a classmate who was teased or heckled is sometimes a cover up of his own encounters about what happened in school.
“Stage two: Complaining about everything and being angry and becoming angry at siblings and or family members. Not being patient, snappish in response and walk out of simple discussions at home or church. Some persons resort to stealing, self-mutilation (cutting), bullying and gang association.
“Stage three: Smiles are gone. Sometimes, silent tears fall from the eyes (sad eyes). The child sits in isolation and removed himself from his friends both from school and church. At times he played games, and locked himself away from the world and did not want to get out. When questions were asked, they were about death. Sometimes the child felt lost, expresses feeling of not belonging anywhere.
“Stage four: The stage of acceptance. Sometimes, the person sends the final signal that he is planning on leaving this unfair world behind. Sometimes drawings, death or dark drawings are seen. There are the online games that are linked to deep conquest. Then posts are made on posts that highlight the deepest darkest thoughts. The child expresses that there is no hope and wants to leave the torment behind. When gifts are given to the child, they are meaningless. This is a clear sign.
“Stage five: The act. This time the individual decides on the day of death. If he knows that he is being watched, he will be selective on the day in which he does this last act of finding peace. The act may take a few days after the decision, a week, a month or many months.”
It was three months from when he informed his mother of his depression that he committed suicide.
“He asked me to listen to what he had to say. He gave me his gratitude in being a good teacher, mom and a listener. He thanked me for trying but it was time for him to go. He said there was no stopping him; it was just a matter of time,” said the 48-year-old teacher.
She said she begged him to hold on, which he did, and although various methods of interventions were pursued, he made his choice to die.
“I have been called names, so were the rest of my family. We have been discussed, abused both spiritually and emotionally but only the ones who knew the journey understood the struggles,” she added.
Her hope is to bring a dimension to the growing problem of depression in Jamaica and especially to teachers.
She added: “My child showed signs of depression and was misread by the highest authority in Jamaica. I hope this will help teachers whose children experience prolonged depression to seek or provide methods of intervention for them. I miss my son very deeply. I still hear his last, ‘Goodbye!’’’
