A Teen's Last Words to His Mother: Its Time to Go!

Music Teacher Lyssette Hawthorne lost her son to suicide earlier this year and wants parents to watch out for the obvious and not so obvious cries for help.

“I am a teacher and the mother of the young teen [Ruddy R], who hung himself on January 8, 2016. He was 15 years old, handsome, intelligent and talented. He was my first-born and although various interventions were put in place to prevent this outcome, he hung himself in a guinep tree,” Ms. Hawthorne told Loop News.

(Hawthorne — who appears to still be in deep mourning — asked that Loop News use the alias Ruddy R for her son in this story although she gave permission for his image to be used.)

He was a grade 10 student at a prominent high school, was exposed to the usual high school ups and downs.

“However, when I realized how deep in depression he was, I began to listen to what he had to say. One day, he firmly told me that there was no hope for him and so when he is gone, I am to remember what he went through upon entering high school and help others like him who are ‘stronger’ to make it through school. My son pointed out to me the stages that he went through until the point of his death:

“Stage one: Telling the story of a boy being teased to insanity by both classmates and several teachers.  Speaking about a classmate who was teased or heckled is sometimes a cover up of his own encounters about what happened in school.

“Stage two: Complaining about everything and being angry and becoming angry at siblings and or family members.  Not being patient, snappish in response and walk out of simple discussions at home or church. Some persons resort to stealing, self-mutilation (cutting), bullying and gang association.

“Stage three: Smiles are gone. Sometimes, silent tears fall from the eyes (sad eyes). The child sits in isolation and removed himself from his friends both from school and church. At times he played games, and locked himself away from the world and did not want to get out. When questions were asked, they were about death. Sometimes the child felt lost, expresses feeling of not belonging anywhere.

“Stage four: The stage of acceptance. Sometimes, the person sends the final signal that he is planning on leaving this unfair world behind. Sometimes drawings, death or dark drawings are seen. There are the online games that are linked to deep conquest. Then posts are made on posts that highlight the deepest darkest thoughts. The child expresses that there is no hope and wants to leave the torment behind. When gifts are given to the child, they are meaningless. This is a clear sign.

“Stage five: The act. This time the individual decides on the day of death. If he knows that he is being watched, he will be selective on the day in which he does this last act of finding peace. The act may take a few days after the decision, a week, a month or many months.”

It was three months from when he informed his mother of his depression that he committed suicide.

“He asked me to listen to what he had to say. He gave me his gratitude in being a good teacher, mom and a listener. He thanked me for trying but it was time for him to go. He said there was no stopping him; it was just a matter of time,” said the 48-year-old teacher.

She said she begged him to hold on, which he did, and although various methods of interventions were pursued, he made his choice to die.

“I have been called names, so were the rest of my family. We have been discussed, abused both spiritually and emotionally but only the ones who knew the journey understood the struggles,” she added.

Her hope is to bring a dimension to the growing problem of depression in Jamaica and especially to teachers.

She added: “My child showed signs of depression and was misread by the highest authority in Jamaica. I hope this will help teachers whose children experience prolonged depression to seek or provide methods of intervention for them. I miss my son very deeply. I still hear his last, ‘Goodbye!’’’

Music and the Classroom

The classroom should be considered as a safe place to learn.  It is the center of information that can be attained form and informally.  It is the wisdom of a good teacher who can regulate what information is relevant but also she needs to have an open mind to other subjects of which she does not teach.

Music is one of those subjects that gets mistreated on a daily basis.  Music should be taught to students who need or desire it, not to be forced because the teachers of the other subjects cannot manage disorderly ones.   Many schools with music programmes have  not been given a breathing space to grow because of the following:
1.  heads of department without performing arts experience developing a programme without solid input of the music specialist.
2. lack of support  from top management for the growth and development of the music programme.
3. poor perception and lack of understanding of parents of interested music students.
4. members of staff who dissuade science based students to pursue music as a subject.





It is unfortunate that the benefits of music are not respected or understood by parents and members of staff thus contributing in the direction  Jamaica is going to the point that many persons are not happy with.  The lyrics and the musical arrangement of many of the "Dance Hall" music are nothing short of advertisements for  an amusement park for "dry sex". Though I have not seen recent research has on the effects a faulty music programme has on the development on the Jamaican musical culture, one must realize that aspects of Jamaican music has spiraled into darkness.

Still, music must be taught because from my experience, it is a beautiful escape from the stress of the world and home and the best tool to release their creative energy.  Also, it is an opportunity for the genesis of beautiful music to be developed and channeled correctly in the right direction.  In the end, music can become receptive to for students to better learn concepts and skills that can enable them to become good musically competent practitioners.   Therefore, teachers of the other subjects should be more selective in "sending" students to do music and spend more time supporting the music programme like any other programme that receives  "harmonic" support from various educational stakeholders.

It is Hard Being a Teacher!

The teaching profession has become very hard to be in these last days.  The expectations are unrealistically high.  Teachers have to be reinventing themselves to fulfill the high expectations of the ministry without additional funding.  To add insult to injury, they mop teachers on the floor of the media to make teachers feel that they are under the microscope with the hope that teachers can become more accountable.  Many of the teachers feel demoralized and disrespected by public figures with some form of accreditation and the teachers union was accused of protecting lazy teachers. Lately when one speaks to teacher, the response is that of demoralization, lack of motivation and depression.

Here are some of the things that have face the Jamaican teachers,
a. frozen salaries for five years only to get a meager increase
b. reduced funding for the department
c. parents who have a perception that teachers are time wasters and not stimulators and facilitators
d. badmouth them in PTA meetings or attack them verbally in public or on the school compound.
e. Condescending attitude from some educational supervisors.

There are more but I think one understands what is happening therefore, it should be no surprise that the Jamaican teachers have decided to take their practice elsewhere. Good teachers began the exodus three years ago and because of the remarkable work they have done to schools abroad, they are being sought after by agencies of schools that have heard and witnessed the Jamaican teachers at work.  Last year, approximately 40 teachers did not return to their jobs the beginning of the new academic year and more are expected to go as the recruiting agencies have traveled to the island to conduct interviews to teachers who are willing to walk away from the battle field of the local classroom to better situations.

 

It seems that the education system in Jamaica is forced to make serious decisions.  The Science, Mathematics and English teachers are the set of trained teachers that are in demand. Educational institutions have become concerned that they will not find teachers returning to their jobs each month.  The schools are left in an atmosphere of uncertainty and so is the education ministry.  The harsh tones that were spoken to teachers have become soft and compassionate.  The economics of the times persuade decisions of workers so that they can attain and provide a quality of life for the their children. 

It is hard being a teacher in the Jamaican system.  The choice has to be made to be loyal or to be wise.  Can a teacher's job be made easier?